One feeling most of us should know, is heartbreak. A scenario we should therefore all know, is when you feel really sad and miss someone to the point that your chest gets really heavy and it can even become hard to breathe. Well, I often get that feeling without even thinking about my mother. I don't know if it's just because of her or if it's a general feeling of emptiness.
I remember one occasion this summer when I was at a rooftop party with friends. I was actually having quite a good time. I was chatting with a friend, when we got interrupted and he had to walk away to go and help someone. I was left sitting there. Not a problem, I could have stood up and gone to talk to other people. My mind though, decided to go down a rabbit hole. I turned around on the bench and looked up into the dark sky. I got really sad and got that said heavy feeling on my chest and found it hard to stop my tears. For no reason. I can't even remember if I was thinking about anything specific. I don't think so.
The dark or the night seem to have that effect on me quite a lot. I live just by a lake and I often get that heavy feeling on my chest when I am looking out of my window overlooking the lake or even when hanging out down by the lake with friends at night. I look out at the lake, at the twinkling lights reflecting on the water from the houses on the other side. It's so pretty. I get lost in it and my mind instantly flicks to that feeling. I could also just be walking home in the dark and look up into the stars.
I don't know if this is normal. Do you ever get this? I don't know if I get this feeling because of the trauma I went through, or if I am feeling that person who is no longer there. All other people seem to just be having the best time at gatherings and I seem to be the only one who wants to walk away and cry (secretly hoping someone will notice and come and be with me - no one ever does). On the other hand - don't most people hide a lot of feelings and maybe half of the people at a party might be feeling really shit? Who knows?
I know this post is rather negative, but I think it's important to mention theses things. I often feel really alone because I think that I am the only one feeling this way, who can't just enjoy herself (don't worry, I do have some great times too! :)). But as I am learning more and more as I and my friends get older - we all have our battles and maybe we should share them more. As much as I don't wish anyone to be going through a hard time, it does help to see that other people are struggling too.
Have you spoken to a friend recently about something you are struggling with or sincerely asked them how they are doing?
XOXO
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